kenapa ya?

28 April 2005

kenapa ya?....
setiap kali hati diusik...jutaan soalan mula menyusul..lantas menggamit gusaran rasa...
sehinggakan tiada arti untuk dirasai....

kenapa ya?....
setiap kali aku terjumpa...suara hati jelas berkata....sedang asyik aku impikan...datang suatu hari.... ketika sayup angin menghembus....tiba pula suatu ribut...datang menyerang entah dari mana...entah mengapa....entah sampei bila...

kenapa ya?...
setiap kali aku tahu jalan ini....berjuta kali aku lalu'in jalan ini...aku redah setiap hari...setiap lopak dan kasturi....setiap onak aku harungi....aku tahu jalan ini....tapi tetap terluka lagi....tetap bernanah lagi...tetap aku lalui lagi...

kenapa ya?....
setiap kali aku berharap nanti....setiap kali aku pohon lagi....setiap itu...aku harus hadapi...segala lumrah hidup ini...segala dugaan datang dan pergi..

kenapa ya?...
.....................................................................................

(u know what sucks the most about bein stuck in this moment...
dat i cant see ahead nor make sense of the past....
n it just goes deeper n deeper n deeper)

aisssssh...

menelan kesunyian ini

19th mac 2005

ku rapat mata ini...
genggam erat hati ini...
setiap kali puisi ku ini...
bernyanyi sayu di petang hari...

ku tatap wajahnya ini...
berharap kembali lagi....
kepingin suatu hari...
terhapus derita ini...

bagai segar seribu mawar..
bagai mekar satu penawar...
sayu memikir hati yg tawar...
sedih teringat rasa dikasar....

ku tegar di malam ini...
kepingin peluk rapat hatimu kini...
tapi mimpi hanya sekadar pengganti...
sambil menelan kesunyian ini..

10.30 am

note2Self_someHow i can't get it out of my head...
this particular saying....so crisp..
.n so real...

"...dreams lasts for so long....even after u're gone...."

curryCrappyFeelin....Aish

n i'd do it again.....

14 Mac 2004

losing it all...
finding its Lack...
almost a ball...
taken aback....

jumpin upHills...
falling head first...
sipping these thrills...
makin it curse...

folding these clothes ..
unwrapping those lies..
keeping it closed...
n hear the time fly...

Leaping thru time...
knowing its not mine...
bein lost n refrain..
but i'd do it again.................( " ,)

10.10 am

tabah menghadapi ( " ,)...

11 April 2004

ini curryLar.....rileksla people!!!!.....
geeszzzz......
i know i know...my last one kinda rocked alot of boats huh..
(nuddz...jgnLar risau dear....takyahlar sampai nak turun Kl n ***** *** **** *** ** ** ( " ,)....hehehehehe)

nie tengah banyk kerja...

i'll vommitt someMore ideas later k.
(still lovin u nuddz...hehehehe....say hi to shat)

isnt it funny...?...?????

6th Mac 2005

yesterday a guy asked me..."when was the last time i had a bf"...
n i counted....n gosh its been 3years!

i havent said "i love U"....or " i missU" in three years..
i havent gotten xcited to know there's my "sayang" on the other end of the line...
i haven't had my hand bein held by the one i could spend the rest of my life wit..

wow...its been three years!...
i was taken aback because i thought it was like just yesterday..or atleast last year that i finally said goodBye..
but time waits for no man...n its been three years..

what was it like back then...how was i back then?....have i changed in what ever form possible?gosh lotsa things ran thru my head...
guys did come n go..passerBys...them of whom never really set their foot still...long enough for me to develop....for me to feel...for me to fall....

u know i still do it...
..watchin other couples n wish it was me...
seein couples holding hands n wished it was my hands he was holding....

i keep wonderin...n still do....
whens it gonna b my turn again?
is it gonna be soon...or my journey is still far away...
when will he finally arrive?
when will he say he'd walk a thousand miles...
or come save me everytime i fall over...
When will he call...
n tell me "i'm u'res"

i am the same tho...just like 3 years ago..
i'm scared...i'm chicken shit...
dunt want to open it again..n let myself go..
to love someOne dearly n xpect another no...
n that i have no energy to set these chains go....

tell me
how do u mend a heart...
a broken demented heart..
dat started so pure...
dat started wit no cure....

how do u tell it..
to let it go..
to let it free...
n fly it by the sea...

when there was a time..
a time not long ago...
that i let it all go...
n it was stampered n left no more...

how do u mend it...
or even fix it...
when e'time i let it...
i need to say "FUCK IT"

i feel i need to cry...
then ask questions why..
i'd rather live a lie...
n let myself die...

so i call upon to u...
to tell me its not so blue...
but dont xpect any clue..
or me to stay so true...

note2Self_will i ever move on?